Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2014 22:53:19 GMT -5
A sight for sore eyes for Mad Hat would be awful majestic
It would be the most beautiful thing that he ever did see
It would cause such surprise it would make all of his hat electric
How could anyone tell him some things are not what they seem?
The Mad Hatter had lost thirteen years of his life to a very large blackout of memory. What had happened in those random thirteen years were unknown to him. {But for a special price of three easy payments of $9.99, you too can find out what happened to Madness Hatness during those thirteen years, yes folks this is a very special one time offer, and if you buy now we’ll even throw in a free Madness Hatness hat!}(We’re not actually going to throw in a hat….){Shhh….don’t tell the people of our scamming!}(Please stop sinning while I’m singing.){NOBODY IS GOING TO GET THAT REFERENCE}Hey guys…trying to do a training thread here.{sorry}(sorry)
Those thirteen years were a blur to him, and he walked down the street contemplating what had happened. He had remembered being thrust up against the tree by his mother, the knife ever so close to draining the life from his body, and his mother taking the money he had stolen, crying out that her baby was back, and then leaving through the forest, leaving him a broken mess at the trunk of a tree. Somehow in those thirteen years, he had grown somewhat powerful, and gained the ability to shoot energy out of his hands. But how did that happen? He felt all over his body. He had put on some serious muscle too. {not to mention…}(WERE NOT GONNA MENTION THAT. Though it is impressive.){We’re talking about his peni-}(shhhhhhhhh!)
So what had happened. He went to rub his hair and found a top hat sitting atop his head. He certainly hadn’t had that when he was a fourteen year old. Interesting…Well, it made sense that a man named Madness Hatness would wear a top hat. So what would he do now? He looked around at the road he was on. Nope, he certainly had no clue where he was. He wouldn’t go back to his parent’s house that was for sure. He didn’t want anything to do with the two of them, so he would have to strike it out on his own. But where was he. Perhaps one of the people he saw walking around would help him.
He was hesitant to go up to one of them, though. (Why is that?) {He’s getting to it, sheesh. It’s like we have to interject every so often just to make sure that the reader doesn’t forget that Hatness has crazy voices in his head from the first two breaks of his sanity. Read all about it in Madness Hatness’s beginner post, located at dragonballawakening.proboards.com/thread/1152/first-breaks-madness-hatness?page=1&scrollTo=8139 }(Did you really just hyperlink?){Hey, it’s a shameless self promotion. I want people to read this shit.} Guys…come on…
He was hesitant to go up to one of them though because the only experience with people he had ever had was with his parents, and they were abusive drug lords. (Drug lords is a bit harsh, don’t you think?){Did they deal lots of drugs?}(Well yes but-){Did they have guns and a lot of henchmen?}(Yeah, kind of but-){Drug lords.} So he didn’t want to ask someone where he was and end up with a gun in his face. Or worse.
He saw a pretty young blonde walking down the street, and decided that he would risk it and walk up to the fellow. {You totally thought it was going to be a girl, cause he said pretty young blonde. Admit it.} The man looked sort of nervous when Hatness walked over, but Hatness took it as a good sign that he didn’t immediately pull out a gun.
Excuse me, good fellow?
{Really? You chose “burgundy” as the speaking color?}
Um….yeah?
The fellow looked like he didn’t really want to be standing in the middle of the street talking to Madness. He looked, in fact, like he would rather be just about anywhere else. Including the pit of the Pernicious Trids, located on the planet of Gorbulon 7. {Wut.}
Would you be so kind as to tell me where we are?
Where you…what? What are you talking about? You’re in Central City…on Earth…you know? The capital. But you’re in probably the remotest section….How do you not know this? You’ve got to be some sort of cracked out weirdo. Now listen…I got to go…I don’t wanna be stuck out here when…you know.
The man left in a huff….no longer looking so pretty, I might add. Madness was confused. Of course he knew about Central City, but he lived so far away from it that he had no idea how he ended up there. And why were the people looking so concerned….no that wasn’t it. People who are just concerned don’t usually start running away from something. As he looked around he found that the entire street had emptied. He found himself all alone, standing there. There was a rumble in the distance, and he could see something coming up over the horizon.
To his surprise, and probably to yours as well, it was a group of motorcyclists. But not just any type of motorcyclists, no, these were a group of Pig motorcyclists. {Pig?}(Oh I get it! It’s a Hog riding a hog!){Oh dear lord…keep me from killing the other voice in his head.}
Hatness took the hat off his head and smiled weakly at them as they surrounded him.
Ey. Guy. Don’t yous knows this is our turf? What are yous doing sticking around when yous hears us coming?
Hatness put the hat back on his head.
Your grammar is atrocious. Didn’t you go to school when you were a…piglet?
The pig man grunted and looked around at his compatriots. Clearly this was a touchy subject for him.
Yous saying yous got a problem with the way I talk?
Hatness rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“a problem” is putting it mildly. First of all, it’s you. There is no added s on the end of it. How do I have to tell this to you? You’re somehow able to be anthropomorphic, which I quite frankly do not understand, and at the same time able to ride a motorcycle, but yet you struggle with the basic functions of a sentence. I just don’t understand.
The pig stepped off his motorcycle, and was, unsurprisingly, a good deal shorter than Hatness. The rest of the pigs (five in total) stepped off of their motorcycles as well. They were all wearing some sort of leather. {Pigs in leather…that just sounds so wrong.}(Yeah, like what if they had been friends with the cows…)Trust me fellas, the pigs are friends with nobody.
What was that?
What was what?
You’s just said that the pigs are friends with nobody.
No I didn’t…
It was at this moment that a “Pigmalion” (Get it?!?!) montage started playing through Madness’s head. If he could civilize this group of pigs, maybe teach them to perform theater, or do acrobatic tricks then maybe—
We ain’t do no acrobatic tricks. And I don’t know what the hell a “pigmalion” is, but you better bet your fair lady—
{OH COME ON. You don’t know what Pygmalion is and you’re making a my fair lady reference?!}
That yous ain’t doing nothing of the sort to us. You got about ten seconds to am-scray before wes beat the crap outta yous.
Hatness looked around at the five pigs, and then looked up at the leader under the brim of his hat.
Did you just use…. “pig” latin?
The leader paled a little, and then made a fist (Do pigs have fists?){They do in this instance}
I’m going to beat yous from here to next week.
Well then, I’m going to make this little piggy go wee wee wee all the way home….
They came at Hatness, all five of them charging at the same time. They swung their fists, but Hatness was too fast for them, he dodged over and under kicks and punches like combat was a second skin to him. He still had no idea where he had acquired all these moves, but he was certainly using them to his advantage. He ducked a punch from one of the little piggys and screamed “FOR BACON” as loud as he could while simultaneously doing an uppercut. One piggy down, four to go.
The leader was clearly the best fighter of the group, and would occasionally get in a hit on Hatness. For a second he almost knocked Hatness’s head off, but instead proceeded to just knock the hat off of his head. One of the other piggy’s proceeded to swallow his hat whole. Hatness looked on in shock. He had no idea where he got that hat, but he had enjoyed its company on his head. {And he looked damn fine with it on.}
He screamed out for the lack of his hat, and the next thing he knew, another hat was on his head, replacing the old one. The fight stopped momentarily, each of the participants in a state of shock. Hatness took this time to attempt to blast one in the face, but only a trickle of energy came out of his hand. He shook his hand again, having it rattle like a can of spray paint. He tried again and the blast that came out was enough to engulf two of the piggys. There were only two left, the leader and one other.
They started fighting more intensely, knowing now that Hatness was strong enough to take on all five of them at the same time, and take out three of them quickly. The leader was giving it everything he had, and Hatness was growing tired. To him it seemed like this was a video game, and that his life bar was running fairly low.
He did a spinning kick and knocked out the fourth piggy, leaving just him and the leader left to combat.
Oo-yay ar-ray ithout-way or-yay eem-tay.
The pig looked confused, and got very, very angry. He started hitting Hatness stronger than Hatness thought that he could hit. If this was a video game (we’re not saying it’s not) but if it was, Hatness would be on his last legs. He didn’t believe that he could take one more hit from this large, boarish pig. The pig swung, and Hatness ducked, just barely avoiding getting his head and hat taken off. As he ducked, his gaze wandered over to a nearby alley, where he saw a cardboard box lying there. Something inside him snapped, causing his eye to twitch. His clothing, usually threadbare and black, grew rich and luxurious, with golden inlay. His hair grew more frizzy, shooting out the sides of his hat. His eyes glowed green. He felt immensely stronger.
(Ya’ll ready for this?)
(Oh wow! I’m in control now!)
(The pig person reared back with another punch but I easily side stepped it, throwing my fist back and connecting with his back, just enough to show him how much stronger I had grown. In terms of video game health bars, I was back at full. The pig somehow sensed that I had grown so much stronger, and up his game again. I had to admit, I was very impressed with the fighting style that he was showing. It seemed every curve ball I threw at him; he caught it with a deft hand. He was throwing fists that seemed almost impossible to dodge, but I managed to dodge most of them. He then did something that surprised me; he punched himself in the stomach. I wasn’t expecting that, and what happened next was even more of a shock. A cannonball flew out of his mouth, catching me square in the stomach. I was winded for a moment, but a moment was all he needed. He flew at me and connected with a vicious right to the jaw.
My health bar was back down to almost zero. My health bar…hmm…
That gave me a pretty wild idea. I had played some video games in my cardboard box as a child {How?} DON’T ASK. Anyway. I had played some video games in my cardboard box as a child and one of my favorite to play was a game called Road Combatant. {Really? Really?} and one of the moves that I used was called Hadouken. So I figured, why not? Might as well try it on the pig. So I moved my hands back into formation and shouted as loud as I could)
(HADOUKEN!)
(The blast caught him right in the back and he turned to run. And I swear to you, I kid you not, he went wee wee wee until I couldn’t hear him anymore. I’m assuming he made it all the way home.)
He powered down. (Though it was awesome being in charge of the body){Can’t wait for my turn!}He was exhausted and out of breath. This was not the excitement he had expected when he found himself conscious on the streets of the city. This would certainly take some getting used to. Now…he just had to find somewhere to go.
It would be the most beautiful thing that he ever did see
It would cause such surprise it would make all of his hat electric
How could anyone tell him some things are not what they seem?
The Mad Hatter had lost thirteen years of his life to a very large blackout of memory. What had happened in those random thirteen years were unknown to him. {But for a special price of three easy payments of $9.99, you too can find out what happened to Madness Hatness during those thirteen years, yes folks this is a very special one time offer, and if you buy now we’ll even throw in a free Madness Hatness hat!}(We’re not actually going to throw in a hat….){Shhh….don’t tell the people of our scamming!}(Please stop sinning while I’m singing.){NOBODY IS GOING TO GET THAT REFERENCE}Hey guys…trying to do a training thread here.{sorry}(sorry)
Those thirteen years were a blur to him, and he walked down the street contemplating what had happened. He had remembered being thrust up against the tree by his mother, the knife ever so close to draining the life from his body, and his mother taking the money he had stolen, crying out that her baby was back, and then leaving through the forest, leaving him a broken mess at the trunk of a tree. Somehow in those thirteen years, he had grown somewhat powerful, and gained the ability to shoot energy out of his hands. But how did that happen? He felt all over his body. He had put on some serious muscle too. {not to mention…}(WERE NOT GONNA MENTION THAT. Though it is impressive.){We’re talking about his peni-}(shhhhhhhhh!)
So what had happened. He went to rub his hair and found a top hat sitting atop his head. He certainly hadn’t had that when he was a fourteen year old. Interesting…Well, it made sense that a man named Madness Hatness would wear a top hat. So what would he do now? He looked around at the road he was on. Nope, he certainly had no clue where he was. He wouldn’t go back to his parent’s house that was for sure. He didn’t want anything to do with the two of them, so he would have to strike it out on his own. But where was he. Perhaps one of the people he saw walking around would help him.
He was hesitant to go up to one of them, though. (Why is that?) {He’s getting to it, sheesh. It’s like we have to interject every so often just to make sure that the reader doesn’t forget that Hatness has crazy voices in his head from the first two breaks of his sanity. Read all about it in Madness Hatness’s beginner post, located at dragonballawakening.proboards.com/thread/1152/first-breaks-madness-hatness?page=1&scrollTo=8139 }(Did you really just hyperlink?){Hey, it’s a shameless self promotion. I want people to read this shit.} Guys…come on…
He was hesitant to go up to one of them though because the only experience with people he had ever had was with his parents, and they were abusive drug lords. (Drug lords is a bit harsh, don’t you think?){Did they deal lots of drugs?}(Well yes but-){Did they have guns and a lot of henchmen?}(Yeah, kind of but-){Drug lords.} So he didn’t want to ask someone where he was and end up with a gun in his face. Or worse.
He saw a pretty young blonde walking down the street, and decided that he would risk it and walk up to the fellow. {You totally thought it was going to be a girl, cause he said pretty young blonde. Admit it.} The man looked sort of nervous when Hatness walked over, but Hatness took it as a good sign that he didn’t immediately pull out a gun.
Excuse me, good fellow?
{Really? You chose “burgundy” as the speaking color?}
Um….yeah?
The fellow looked like he didn’t really want to be standing in the middle of the street talking to Madness. He looked, in fact, like he would rather be just about anywhere else. Including the pit of the Pernicious Trids, located on the planet of Gorbulon 7. {Wut.}
Would you be so kind as to tell me where we are?
Where you…what? What are you talking about? You’re in Central City…on Earth…you know? The capital. But you’re in probably the remotest section….How do you not know this? You’ve got to be some sort of cracked out weirdo. Now listen…I got to go…I don’t wanna be stuck out here when…you know.
The man left in a huff….no longer looking so pretty, I might add. Madness was confused. Of course he knew about Central City, but he lived so far away from it that he had no idea how he ended up there. And why were the people looking so concerned….no that wasn’t it. People who are just concerned don’t usually start running away from something. As he looked around he found that the entire street had emptied. He found himself all alone, standing there. There was a rumble in the distance, and he could see something coming up over the horizon.
To his surprise, and probably to yours as well, it was a group of motorcyclists. But not just any type of motorcyclists, no, these were a group of Pig motorcyclists. {Pig?}(Oh I get it! It’s a Hog riding a hog!){Oh dear lord…keep me from killing the other voice in his head.}
Hatness took the hat off his head and smiled weakly at them as they surrounded him.
Ey. Guy. Don’t yous knows this is our turf? What are yous doing sticking around when yous hears us coming?
Hatness put the hat back on his head.
Your grammar is atrocious. Didn’t you go to school when you were a…piglet?
The pig man grunted and looked around at his compatriots. Clearly this was a touchy subject for him.
Yous saying yous got a problem with the way I talk?
Hatness rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“a problem” is putting it mildly. First of all, it’s you. There is no added s on the end of it. How do I have to tell this to you? You’re somehow able to be anthropomorphic, which I quite frankly do not understand, and at the same time able to ride a motorcycle, but yet you struggle with the basic functions of a sentence. I just don’t understand.
The pig stepped off his motorcycle, and was, unsurprisingly, a good deal shorter than Hatness. The rest of the pigs (five in total) stepped off of their motorcycles as well. They were all wearing some sort of leather. {Pigs in leather…that just sounds so wrong.}(Yeah, like what if they had been friends with the cows…)Trust me fellas, the pigs are friends with nobody.
What was that?
What was what?
You’s just said that the pigs are friends with nobody.
No I didn’t…
It was at this moment that a “Pigmalion” (Get it?!?!) montage started playing through Madness’s head. If he could civilize this group of pigs, maybe teach them to perform theater, or do acrobatic tricks then maybe—
We ain’t do no acrobatic tricks. And I don’t know what the hell a “pigmalion” is, but you better bet your fair lady—
{OH COME ON. You don’t know what Pygmalion is and you’re making a my fair lady reference?!}
That yous ain’t doing nothing of the sort to us. You got about ten seconds to am-scray before wes beat the crap outta yous.
Hatness looked around at the five pigs, and then looked up at the leader under the brim of his hat.
Did you just use…. “pig” latin?
The leader paled a little, and then made a fist (Do pigs have fists?){They do in this instance}
I’m going to beat yous from here to next week.
Well then, I’m going to make this little piggy go wee wee wee all the way home….
They came at Hatness, all five of them charging at the same time. They swung their fists, but Hatness was too fast for them, he dodged over and under kicks and punches like combat was a second skin to him. He still had no idea where he had acquired all these moves, but he was certainly using them to his advantage. He ducked a punch from one of the little piggys and screamed “FOR BACON” as loud as he could while simultaneously doing an uppercut. One piggy down, four to go.
The leader was clearly the best fighter of the group, and would occasionally get in a hit on Hatness. For a second he almost knocked Hatness’s head off, but instead proceeded to just knock the hat off of his head. One of the other piggy’s proceeded to swallow his hat whole. Hatness looked on in shock. He had no idea where he got that hat, but he had enjoyed its company on his head. {And he looked damn fine with it on.}
He screamed out for the lack of his hat, and the next thing he knew, another hat was on his head, replacing the old one. The fight stopped momentarily, each of the participants in a state of shock. Hatness took this time to attempt to blast one in the face, but only a trickle of energy came out of his hand. He shook his hand again, having it rattle like a can of spray paint. He tried again and the blast that came out was enough to engulf two of the piggys. There were only two left, the leader and one other.
They started fighting more intensely, knowing now that Hatness was strong enough to take on all five of them at the same time, and take out three of them quickly. The leader was giving it everything he had, and Hatness was growing tired. To him it seemed like this was a video game, and that his life bar was running fairly low.
He did a spinning kick and knocked out the fourth piggy, leaving just him and the leader left to combat.
Oo-yay ar-ray ithout-way or-yay eem-tay.
The pig looked confused, and got very, very angry. He started hitting Hatness stronger than Hatness thought that he could hit. If this was a video game (we’re not saying it’s not) but if it was, Hatness would be on his last legs. He didn’t believe that he could take one more hit from this large, boarish pig. The pig swung, and Hatness ducked, just barely avoiding getting his head and hat taken off. As he ducked, his gaze wandered over to a nearby alley, where he saw a cardboard box lying there. Something inside him snapped, causing his eye to twitch. His clothing, usually threadbare and black, grew rich and luxurious, with golden inlay. His hair grew more frizzy, shooting out the sides of his hat. His eyes glowed green. He felt immensely stronger.
(Ya’ll ready for this?)
(Oh wow! I’m in control now!)
(The pig person reared back with another punch but I easily side stepped it, throwing my fist back and connecting with his back, just enough to show him how much stronger I had grown. In terms of video game health bars, I was back at full. The pig somehow sensed that I had grown so much stronger, and up his game again. I had to admit, I was very impressed with the fighting style that he was showing. It seemed every curve ball I threw at him; he caught it with a deft hand. He was throwing fists that seemed almost impossible to dodge, but I managed to dodge most of them. He then did something that surprised me; he punched himself in the stomach. I wasn’t expecting that, and what happened next was even more of a shock. A cannonball flew out of his mouth, catching me square in the stomach. I was winded for a moment, but a moment was all he needed. He flew at me and connected with a vicious right to the jaw.
My health bar was back down to almost zero. My health bar…hmm…
That gave me a pretty wild idea. I had played some video games in my cardboard box as a child {How?} DON’T ASK. Anyway. I had played some video games in my cardboard box as a child and one of my favorite to play was a game called Road Combatant. {Really? Really?} and one of the moves that I used was called Hadouken. So I figured, why not? Might as well try it on the pig. So I moved my hands back into formation and shouted as loud as I could)
(HADOUKEN!)
(The blast caught him right in the back and he turned to run. And I swear to you, I kid you not, he went wee wee wee until I couldn’t hear him anymore. I’m assuming he made it all the way home.)
He powered down. (Though it was awesome being in charge of the body){Can’t wait for my turn!}He was exhausted and out of breath. This was not the excitement he had expected when he found himself conscious on the streets of the city. This would certainly take some getting used to. Now…he just had to find somewhere to go.