Post by Chef on Apr 12, 2015 21:15:05 GMT -5
I knew Earth was going to be trouble. They told me countless times, those that cared enough to speak to me, “Don’t go to Earth,” “you won’t find anything of use on Earth,” “Shleem gorpa twan Earth!” (Okay, the last guy was a bit racist, and that comment was oddly specific to anti-human alliances, but still, they didn’t want me to go to Earth.) And yet, being of able body and sound mind, I hopped the next spaceship to Earth, settled down and started a restaurant.
Chef’s Place, is what I wanted to call it, but that didn’t work out, seeing as how there was a restaurant called “Chef’s Place” across the street, and two more named “Chef’s Place’s Place” and “Chefa-de-Place” on the same street. It seemed like I arrived at the wrong time. So I wasn’t able to name my restaurant what I wanted. Instead I called it “Delish’s Eats Bar and Grill,” cept someone stole the D and the r from my sign, and I ended up being Elish’s Eats Bar and G ill. People kept coming in asking for fish. I don’t serve fish.
Coincidentally, a restaurant called Dr’s opened up down the street, with signage that looked far too familiar for comfort, but I didn’t press the issue. Being an alien in a new place isn’t easy, being a fat, four armed alien that wears a blood stained apron and carries around meat-cleavers made of kinetic energy is a lot harder.
I had been here for a few years, heard about the happenings of the moon, what was going on, but I didn’t expect it to land smack dab on my doorstep. Or a little to the left, where ever it was that the drunken man landed. He walked into Elish’s, and hung his coat on the hatrack, and his hat on the coatrack, not great etiquette by any standards, but I let it slide.
He spoke up, his voice filled with emotion, sounding almost blue. ”I got problems.”(I said almost blue…)”I don’t want to bow down to Queen Akassa, but I don’t see any other option.”(Better.)
I scoffed and turned away, polishing the glass I was about to fill with liquor for the man. Nobody liked bowing down to anyone, but if there were two things that could make a man do it, it was power and liquor, I’m sure that the queen didn’t keep a stocked bar, but the woman had power coming out of her lady-parts. And everywhere else.
”Do you know anything about her?” His voice was laced with questions, including the one he had just imparted on me. I shrugged, noncommittally.
”I know what I know.”I tried to keep my voice even. In a restaurant as crowded as mine usually was, what with my four regulars and this new face, you couldn’t be sure if anyone was a spy or not.
”Well what are you going to do? Who are you anyway?”
”I’m not going to do a thing, because if you’ve looked around, I’m what they call a persona non-grata. I, for all intents and purposes, don’t matter. The queen aint got a lick o’ knowledge about me, and I’m all for keeping in that way. Buraddori didn’t even know who I was, neither did Kemuri, smoky hyena bastard that he was. Not about to go off into the limelight and let the powers that be know of my existence, you feel me?
My statement was final. I placed the drink on the bar and slid it down to the man, and he took it, sampling some of the finest ale that I had to offer. I wasn’t going to charge him. Person like that, comes in asking so many questions, you learn better than to make them pay for a drink. For all I know he could be one of Akassa’s guard himself, and I didn’t really need any more attention on me than what was on me on a daily basis.
”Where did you come from, fella? Don’t see a lot of aliens like you around.
He still wanted to talk. I looked at his face, trying to read the man. Besa’s weren’t used to such invasions of privacy. Usually one look at us, especially the females of the species, and you turned tail and left. Especially when one is wearing a bloody apron. This seemed to have no effect on the drunk man, and I realized that giving him more booze was probably not doing anything to help the situation.
”My homeworld was a planet far from here, one that you better hope you never have the misfortune of visiting. That’s all I’m going to say about that. And there is a reason you don’t see many of my kind out here. It’s not because we don’t like to travel. It’s not because we don’t like Earth. It’s because we don’t like humans. Or most of us anyway. I personally have no ill feelings towards you. Enjoy your drink. It’s on the house.
He smiled and held it up, and then downed it in one go. I’d be impressed, but I wasn’t.
”Hey, you never told me your name…”
He had stood up, turned to walk out the door, and this thought had struck him like a chicken striking the side of a barn, intending to burn it down, hard, but ineffectively.
”Folks around here call me Chef.”
He laughed, and thought for a moment.
”That can’t be your real name.”
I’m sure there was a glint in my eye as I smiled and answered.
”No. It can’t be.”
Chef’s Place, is what I wanted to call it, but that didn’t work out, seeing as how there was a restaurant called “Chef’s Place” across the street, and two more named “Chef’s Place’s Place” and “Chefa-de-Place” on the same street. It seemed like I arrived at the wrong time. So I wasn’t able to name my restaurant what I wanted. Instead I called it “Delish’s Eats Bar and Grill,” cept someone stole the D and the r from my sign, and I ended up being Elish’s Eats Bar and G ill. People kept coming in asking for fish. I don’t serve fish.
Coincidentally, a restaurant called Dr’s opened up down the street, with signage that looked far too familiar for comfort, but I didn’t press the issue. Being an alien in a new place isn’t easy, being a fat, four armed alien that wears a blood stained apron and carries around meat-cleavers made of kinetic energy is a lot harder.
I had been here for a few years, heard about the happenings of the moon, what was going on, but I didn’t expect it to land smack dab on my doorstep. Or a little to the left, where ever it was that the drunken man landed. He walked into Elish’s, and hung his coat on the hatrack, and his hat on the coatrack, not great etiquette by any standards, but I let it slide.
He spoke up, his voice filled with emotion, sounding almost blue. ”I got problems.”(I said almost blue…)”I don’t want to bow down to Queen Akassa, but I don’t see any other option.”(Better.)
I scoffed and turned away, polishing the glass I was about to fill with liquor for the man. Nobody liked bowing down to anyone, but if there were two things that could make a man do it, it was power and liquor, I’m sure that the queen didn’t keep a stocked bar, but the woman had power coming out of her lady-parts. And everywhere else.
”Do you know anything about her?” His voice was laced with questions, including the one he had just imparted on me. I shrugged, noncommittally.
”I know what I know.”I tried to keep my voice even. In a restaurant as crowded as mine usually was, what with my four regulars and this new face, you couldn’t be sure if anyone was a spy or not.
”Well what are you going to do? Who are you anyway?”
”I’m not going to do a thing, because if you’ve looked around, I’m what they call a persona non-grata. I, for all intents and purposes, don’t matter. The queen aint got a lick o’ knowledge about me, and I’m all for keeping in that way. Buraddori didn’t even know who I was, neither did Kemuri, smoky hyena bastard that he was. Not about to go off into the limelight and let the powers that be know of my existence, you feel me?
My statement was final. I placed the drink on the bar and slid it down to the man, and he took it, sampling some of the finest ale that I had to offer. I wasn’t going to charge him. Person like that, comes in asking so many questions, you learn better than to make them pay for a drink. For all I know he could be one of Akassa’s guard himself, and I didn’t really need any more attention on me than what was on me on a daily basis.
”Where did you come from, fella? Don’t see a lot of aliens like you around.
He still wanted to talk. I looked at his face, trying to read the man. Besa’s weren’t used to such invasions of privacy. Usually one look at us, especially the females of the species, and you turned tail and left. Especially when one is wearing a bloody apron. This seemed to have no effect on the drunk man, and I realized that giving him more booze was probably not doing anything to help the situation.
”My homeworld was a planet far from here, one that you better hope you never have the misfortune of visiting. That’s all I’m going to say about that. And there is a reason you don’t see many of my kind out here. It’s not because we don’t like to travel. It’s not because we don’t like Earth. It’s because we don’t like humans. Or most of us anyway. I personally have no ill feelings towards you. Enjoy your drink. It’s on the house.
He smiled and held it up, and then downed it in one go. I’d be impressed, but I wasn’t.
”Hey, you never told me your name…”
He had stood up, turned to walk out the door, and this thought had struck him like a chicken striking the side of a barn, intending to burn it down, hard, but ineffectively.
”Folks around here call me Chef.”
He laughed, and thought for a moment.
”That can’t be your real name.”
I’m sure there was a glint in my eye as I smiled and answered.
”No. It can’t be.”